// Day 20 - Burnout//

// Request for Medication Info?//

So my mom suffers from chronic migraines even worse than I do.

She was recently given a new prescription for a topical cream for her migraines. It’s supplied by DermaTran Health Solutions and the prescription lists that it contains: Gabapentin, Naproxen, Pentoxifylline, Sumatriptan, and Tramadol.

It comes in a pump bottle, and she is supposed to apply one pump of the cream to the “back of the neck at the hairline and trigger points for headche” and rub it in for two minutes.

So far, she’s had some trouble even getting it out of the bottle. When she was able to get some of the solution out, it did lessen the severity of her migraine (though it didn’t get rid of it.)

We’re wondering if there’s something faulty with the pump bottles though, because she doesn’t always get the mixture out when she pumps. And when some does come out, it almost spits out at her. And it’s a very small amount.

Has anyone had any experience with this medication?

// Day 6 - Letters//

Write a letter to your condition - what do you want to get off your chest?

Hi there,

I’m pretty sick and tired of you. And I mean that both literally and physically.

I mean it mentally and emotionally too, while I’m at it.

There are times when I sit down and wonder, “How much more would I have been able to accomplish in my life if I didn’t lose so much time to migraines?” Part of me never wants to know the answer to this question, out of fear that I’ve lost out on years of my life due to you.

I wonder how many moments I’ve missed. How many laughs haven’t left my lips because I’ve been locked in a dark room trying not to cry from the pain.

I wonder how many experiences I’ve passed on because I’ve had to think about how it could possibly contribute to a migraine later on.

You make me question every decision I make. You make me much more cautious than I’d like to be in my life. I’d love to take chances and do things on a whim, but with you, that barely ever gets to happen.

I wonder how many friends I’ve lost out on because you’ve made me seem flaky. Sure, those people who understand migraines know that if I cancel plans, it’s because I really have to, but how many people just think I’m blowing them off when I say I have to stay in bed?

By the same token, how many people in my life have just thought that I’m lazy or lack responsibility? I’ve had to call out of work multiple times because of a migraine. I know for a fact that at least one of my managers just thought I didn’t want to come to work, so I was calling out. As a result, she cut my hours back the next time she did the schedule.

So thanks for costing me even more money than just the cash put toward meds and other remedies.

I think the thing that’s the worst about you is that you can’t make up your mind. One day I’m experiencing an aura before my migraine. Two weeks later, a migraine strikes out of nowhere. And it’s really not cool that you crop up when there’s a change in the barometric pressure. I can’t do anything about that, and you’re pretty much the worst for picking THAT as a trigger.

And I can probably sit here and sarcastically thank you for things until the cows come home. However, there is one thing that I have to legitimately thank you for.

Thank you for making me prove to myself time after time that I am worth the investment in myself and my health. Because of you, I’ve learned to stand up for myself and assert my rights as someone who is in pain. I’ve learned the ins and outs of my condition so that I can explain them to other people and make them understand what is going on with me. You’ve made me a person who isn’t going to sit in the corner and be pushed around and be told that they’re not worth the same as another person because they experience pain.

I deserve a full life. I deserve to feel like I am justified in having to lie in a dark room with an ice pack on my head every so often. You’ve forced me to advocate for myself. This skill has translated to other parts of my life. So as much of a pain as you are (literally and figuratively) I do have to give you credit there.

So thank you.

But also, get outta here.

No love lost,

Rachel

Don’t you hate when you have a migraine and all you want to do is sleep, and the medication is telling you that you should sleep, but no matter how hard you try, you just can’t sleep?

Even though you have work at 10AM?

Blerg.

// Winter storm Nemo?//

Get outta here.

My brain has been hurting for the past two days in the lead up to this storm, and I’m sick of it.

I LOVE snow, but all the pressure systems and the wintry mixes are annoying. Just snow. And leave my head be.

// Have I mentioned that I live in New Jersey?//

Because I do. And Hurricane Sandy is giving me a horrible headache.

I worked until 10 last night (That’s right. We were still open even though there was no one in the store for about 2 hours.) and came home with a horrible migraine. When I woke up this morning, I was feeling better, but my entire body hurt.

I’m not in as much pain, but it’s still pretty bad. The pressure is just going to continue to drop, so I’m not excited about this.

I should also mention that I live in a costal city. I don’t live down the shore, but I live in Elizabeth, which was originally known as Elizabethport and houses one of the biggest and busiest seaports in the world. I live about 5 blocks from the Arthur Kill and the Goethals Bridge.

AKA the water is right there.

They’ve already evacuated some of the downtown areas right by the waterfront of the port. I ran next door to the church with my sister and was battered by wind. I’m not looking forward to the havoc this would wreak on my head.

I love storms, but not the pain that they bring to my head!

// It’s getting to be about that time…//

which would explain the off and on pain I’ve had in my head for the past few days. And of course since I haven’t had to take my Fiorinal in awhile, I’m super woozy.

It started yesterday at work. I was supposed to work 10-5, but the girl who was supposed to be taking over customer service called and said she would be at least an hour late. I told our closing manager that I could stay for the hour with no problem.

At 6:20 he walked up and said he was going to call her and see where she was. There wasn’t an answer. Someone who was coming in at 6:30 said that she heard she wasn’t coming until 7. At about 6:40, the manager came up and said, “I feel really badly. Someone else will cover customer service. Go home, you’ve been here since 10AM and I feel really, really bad that you’re still here. I owe you and you’re awesome, but I know you’ve got to be exhausted and that you have a headache.”

So I came home.

I ate. I watched Dancing with the Stars (Team Apolo!) and then watched the Avengers. And then I slept like a small child. Until about 11:30. I’ve been working morning shifts, so I take all the sleep I can get. It also didn’t help that my head hurt, which just makes me want to roll over and go back to sleep.

I watched the two new episodes of New Girl that I missed last night because I forgot it premiered. (Whoops!) And am going to watch Supernatural and see if I can keep myself awake. Tomorrow I need to clean and will probably spend Friday doing the same until I go to work at 5.

But the point is, it’s getting to be around my period, which pretty much guarantees me a migraine.

It doesn’t help that I have added stress due to a financial situation that I didn’t know was going on. (aka the money I thought I had from my Grandfather saved up for Grad School had to be used for other things, so that bank account is apparently dry.) And the idea that I’m gonna need a second job. I just thank God that I’m not in school right now, because I know that would be a ridiculous combination of stressors that would probably cause a near-constant migraine.

So I need some motivation to start looking for a second job.

But before that, I need to get rid of this headache, and continue to keep it away from morphing into a migraine, or my day will become this:

Wishing you all a migraine- and pain-free (or at least low levels!) day!

// So today was a less than amazing day.//

I woke up to my alarm and the headache I started to get on Monday night had gotten worse. I woke up many times during the night, sick to my stomach. Sometimes throwing up and sometimes just retching.

Attractive. I know.

In any case, I still had to get up and help watch my nephew because my dad had to serve a Liturgy this morning (Holyday of the Beheading of St. John the Baptist… followed by a Panachida for all of those lost on September 11, 2001). After that was over though, I grabbed an ice pack and crawled back into bed.

So here I am, at 12:32AM, getting ready to watch one more episode of Supernatural before I call it a night.

The shower I took earlier helped to ease my headache, and because it’s a strict fast day due to the Holyday, there was no meat or dairy in anything I ate today. One of our family strict fast day staples is soup, so I got to enjoy a cup of potato barley soup for dinner.

This is also good for if I get sick again later on. It’s awful that this is what I think about when I eat while I have a migraine. It’s a necessary evil though.

In any case, I’m headed off to bed now, and hope to be able to be productive tomorrow. I have lots that I need to get done, and I have off of work until Friday. After that, my schedule starts to get more and more busy.

Here’s to hoping that all of you had migraine free days and that if you weren’t pain free, you were at least on the low end of your pain spectrum!